Paranoid, Lonely, And Russian
by Somewhere I Belong
Summary: Highschool. Hell. [His INNER pov]
1. Homeroom

**Somewhere I Belong**

**Rated:** M

**Summary:** The joys of high school through the eyes of an introvert attention-seeker with unique hair. Fun fun.

* * *

**5:01 a.m. **

_'Unbreak my heart,  
Say you'll love me again...'_

Singing.

Did I hear that right? Someone is singing in the bathroom. On the first day of _public _school for the first time in my entire life and some asshole had somehow locked himself in the shower delighting in the fundamental joys of singing.

How inconsiderate.

"Goddammit, _open up_!"

I proceeded to pick the lock with my toothbrush before a wet Boris emerged wearing a benign beach towel around his waist which unfortuantely revealed too much information. Seeing me on my knees and suspended in such a lowly manner gave him the undaunted opportunity to smirk.

"Well, little boy, I suppose you're all worked up and eager to meet your new peers," The first person on my 'To Kill' list stated amusingly. I glared at him.

Somehow that aftershave he was wearing failed to make him smell enticing.

**

* * *

**

**Homeroom.**

"We have a new student today,"

The woman wearing an eye-scarring wig a.k.a. my _'teacher' __You will call her that or it's back to the snakeskin belt again, Tala my boy/_ said, putting a pair of perfectly manicured hands on my shoulders. Anxiety, anxiety. I stared at curious faces. Okay, fine, not curious exactly. More like 'oh-look-another-new-one-and-this-one's-got-funny-hair-let's-torture-him-yes-that's-what-we'll-do-if-we-actually-give-a-damn' faces. _/But I don't care what they think, right/_

"Let's put you over here.. ."

Right, lady. Beside the guy that wears the green spandex shirt and who probably looks at pronography every night. My, my, aren't you just the_ ideal_ teacher? Do you watch Dr.Phil on Friday evenings, too? Oh, and perhaps you're also one of those botox users. Trying to make a good impression on the poor, lonely, _new _Russian kid who's just _so_ desperate to make friends? Why, of _course_, 'teacher'-who-don't-even-have-the-intellect-to-tell-me-her-frickin'-name, that's what you want, right? Me to start sucking up to you? Well I've got some other infor--

"You're hot."

Ah-hem.

O...kay.

No, this is really _scary_, you see. I mean, if it was only from the _opposite_ gender, I could have just ignored it. I mean, I did it before. Ignoring. But to have it come from a guy.. . needless to say I was _far_ from my comfort zone. Did I have to look at him? Do I really need to? Is it common in public schools to look at the homosexual who had just revealed that you were the object of his fantasies every night /_What's that, Tala? Feeling scared? Aw, don't worry, little boy, I'm here for you/ _This _guy_, whatever his name may be _/Probably Stacey/ _is definately on my 'To Kill' list. No, it's not that I hate people of that particular composition, but he has successfully succeeded in making me feel scared. Yeah, that's right. Whoever I'm intimidated of, I try to kill. It's an all-win situation. Right? _/Insecurities will make you Weak, little boy. Do you really want to be like Him/_

Five more minutes to go.

The Stacey guy is breathing on my neck. Must shift away. Slowly. Don't set off any indications of rejection. That's right. Slowly. Shit, they're staring at me again. Goth girls giving me weird looks. What now, have I got a paler face than you? Damn, this class is _loud_. Seriously, did you all get stimulated last night or something? Four minutes left. Yay. Fuck. First period on schedule.**Gym**. And it's **CO-ED**. Got only got three hours sleep last night _/Bryan, step away from the Dance Dance Revolution mat.. ./_ Sad. Two minutes more. Okay the guy is **definately **coming on to me. _Please,_ lady. Please, Mrs. Botox-using-Dr.Phil-watching-divorced-single-mother-who-has-no-name,_ please_ give me back my dignity and move me to another seat. Maybe someplace preferrable? Like beside the Asian loner at the corner or something. Crap. _Sluts._ Right behind him. Whores wearing clothes made especially for the likes of prostitutes. Black boots with MINI-mini skirts and ugly dyed red hair. What a seriously **bad** choice of hair color. I mean, if you're gonna look screwed up anyways, at least go down with something non-gay an - Wait._ I_ have red hair. Fuck.. .

Bell rang.

And it's off to gym class.. .

_/Tala, you're not afraid of the changing room, are you.. ./_


	2. Phy Ed

**First Period - Phy.Ed**

* * *

So I admit it.

I had a _LITTLE_ trouble finding the gymnasium.

_Gasp! _

What's that he just said? Another startling confession by the Oh-So-Talented Tala Ivanov - **Could it be**? Has he truly failed to locate his destination and thus had to reluctantly rely on the help of a certain spandex-clad entity who pleasures in looking at him in very inappropriate places? _Egads!_ This is an atrocity that cannot be fathomed by mere logic alone! Has the whole world gone _beserk_? Did George Bush just realize that he has absolutely _NO_ sane reason to attack Iraq? Has the Trix Rabbit overcomed the odds and finally got to his bowl of Trix Cereal before the two annoying children said "Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids"?

_Gasp, gasp, shock shock!_

"Hello there. I understand you're new."

Oh, _great._

Do I detect the voice of someone feeling sorry for me? _/Go to Hell.. .I don't want your pity/_ Yes, that _must_ be it. Why? Why ME? I don't need _help_. Pfft. Truth be told, I'm not a very help-wanting person. Or even interesting, for that matter. Nope, not me. I may be stubborn _/It's mine. MINE. So back off, or feel the full wrath of this photo of Boris in his interpretive dancing class - and I'mNOT just showing you half this time., _distrustful _/Yeah right. Of COURSE it's YOUR asthma puffer. The only reason it has YOUR name and address on it is because you put it there purposely to TRICK ME. Why do you hate me so much, man? I'm so hurt. . .. Oh, and don't even TRY to look like you're suffocating and dying. .. not gonna work on me., _and pompous _/I am better than you. You are not better than me. That's life, so suck it up./_, but not **interesting**. I mean, all I've ever been accused of is attempting to take over the world and wearing too much mascara. That's about it. Pretty pathetic, huh? Just look at Kai. He's the 'interesting' one. Wearing grey **WITH** purple, shirt tucked **INTO** his pants _/The stuff nightmares are made of/ _which, unluckily for him, has the side effect of making him look like a deformed fruit bat whenever he tries to strike a pose. Such a _girly man_, he is.

And - did I just segue? Fucking _Kai_, making me think about how ugly and badly proportioned his body is.. .

"Are you okay?"

Interrupted. Again.

"I'm fine."

"O...kay. 'Cause you kinda spaced out just then. Anyways, the change room is over there, and if you need me for anything, just call."

_Mr. Helomich,_ his shirt tag says.

Hmm.

At least this one has a name.

* * *

"Yo, dig this chick over here..."

"Holy SHIT!"

"God, they're like _BALLONS_!"

The sounds of a typical adolescent boy's change room. Disgusting. If they didn't gawk over weak, uneducated, slutty whores all day, they might have actually taken the time to _do_ something. Like get an extra can of air freshener to spray the stenched air or --

"Look, it's the new kid."

"Yeah, what's-his-name.. . carrot head."

"Heh, right, let's just call him carrot head. .."

Damn faggots talking about me again_. /Mommy, I wanna kill them. I'll even use Daddy's good knife.. ./ _That goes right back to the 'Me-not-interesting' thing again. And.. . what? **CARROT HEAD?** _/Should I, Mother? Should I pierce it right here.. ./ _If there's _one_ thing I _cannot_ stand, it's fucking strangers talking about my hair. My hair is unique, pretty, and sexy. What? That's what Boris told me. His opinions still matters, right? **Right?**_ /Insecure little boy.. . stop this Weakness/ _Whatever. I'll just ignore them. Because what damn faggots says doesn't amount to anything. Especially ones who have beer bellies. That's just .. . eeucchhhh.

"Hey, new boy. Hold this bag for me." One of the jocks admiring themselves in the mirror asked.

I looked at the baggage. I _smelled_ it. Looks like one of the weapons of mass destruction has finally been found.. .

"I'll pass."

So why, pray tell, did I turn him down? First of all, I just don't like him. And secondly, I do enough slavery work at the Abbey already. By enough, I mean MY WHOLE LIFE. I don't need anyone else telling me what to do outside that hell hole. My third reason is that I just don't _like_ him. Or did I mention that already?

"What did you just say, punk?"

_/This one doesn't like rejection. Reminds me of a certain someone.. ./_

"I said, I'll _pass_."

_/Needs anger management classes as well. Whoopi di doo. ./_

"You're gonna pay for this, punk. You're gonna pay..."

And just like that, he walked away. Which was good, since I couldn't possibly get any more saliva on my face. 'You're gonna pay for this, you're gonna pay.. .' What is he now, a Conservative? Feh, and one with cheap comebacks as well. _/Should I go Cut him, Mother/_ ANYONE should know that in order to make a mockary effective, you only use an insult ONCE. And the word 'punk' kind of lost its edge after 1993.

Oh. Crap. The Stacey Guy. The last person I would want to bump into inside a crowded change room full of horny boys.

"I see you found the gym." He actually _winked _at me. **Shudder shudder**.

Isn't it funny how, that in a school of 750, it's ALWAYS the overly-friendly-homosexual-guy-who-is-out-to-get-my-asswho _doesn't_ see me as a pathetic, lonesome and helpless little boy? Or maybe I just have a knack at attracting the wrong kind of publicity. ..

Back to the gymnasium again. And, as expected, _they're_ staring at me again. What is _wrong_ with them? What's wrong with _me_? Stop, STARING, goddammit. Are you THAT desperate?

"HEADS UP!"

**Crash.**

And the pweety orange basketball flies out of nowhere and lands on Tala's face.

Feels like Boris' snakeskin belt. The joy.

"Omigosh, are you okay?" Some girl wearing ribbons in her hair asks, running towards me. _/I don't need your help, you noob.. ./ _Such an original question to ask me._ /You're a noob.. . to my feelings/ _So original, in fact, that I didn't even have the mental tolerance to reply with sarcasm. You know, why don't you all just **LEAVE ME ALONE; DON'T **go asking me to hold your bags, **DON'T** try to secretly touch my hair when I'm spacing out /_Mr. Helomich.. . I'm watching you/ _and **DO NOT** hit my face with a basketball and pretend it was an accident.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't see you there and - that must've hurt!"

_My ass._

'I didn't see you there'. Like hell you didn't. It's impossible NOT to see me. For one thing, my hair appears three seconds before the rest of my body, and that's just putting it mildly. No _DUH _it hurt. So suddenly I'm both _emotion_less and _feeling_less as well?

"She's right, you've got like a red mark there, dude..."

The gods _must _be smiling down upon me. MORE pitying. The trend just keeps on growing.. .

"Woooahhhh, that's _sick_, man!"

"Is that blood coming out of his nose?"

Again with the STARING. What's with the frickin' eyes? **I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSE** - What's this warm stuff? Damn, I'm really bleeding - God, woman, what did you _do_? I'm not supposed to face any more abuse outside of the Abbey! Don't you know that?

"Send him down to the office."

"Get some ice - "

And the girl still attempts to help me up. When will they ever learn. **I DO NOT NEED HELP,** even if I'm going nauceous, lightheaded, and dizzy from the lack of blood.

"Hey, it's_ carrot head_!"

"It must _hurt ... _do you need mommy here to bake you some cookies?"

"Leave him alone, Ryan."

"No, he needs to hear this, 'cause he's so weak and needs his_ mommy_..."

_/.. .Mother/_

I would have liked to hit that bastard square in the face, if the touchy-touchy Mr. Helomich hadn't come and escorted me towards the door and down the hallway to the office. I can still feel them STARING. /_I want to carve out their eyes/ _So first period didn't go so well. But I've faced more hardships than a simple nosebleed. WAY more.Hell, I can handle anything -

"I'm going to need your name and homeform."

**Arrraghhhh.** ..

That was the first thing that entered my mind when I saw the woman with the furry upper lip. Holding a pack of ice cubes, she stood before me clad in an uptight school nurse's uniform. **Oh Lord**. Excuse me for being bold, freaky-mustache-lady, but did you escape from the circus du soleil or something?

"Your name and homeform, I'm waiting."

Yeah, waiting for laser hair surgery. Needless to say, what happened next was that I ran. Ran like the wind, out of the office, blood dripping down my chin, and into the locker banks. I could hear Mr. Helomich calling after me, but I **did not care**. I wiped my face using toliet paper _/When did you get this low/_ from the boys washroom. And - Is that a_ pimple_? No. Only a piece of bloody tissue. Heh. Had me scared there for a second.. .

So I crept back to the gym /_Stop STARING/_ and prepared to sit out for the rest of the freaking period. And I DID know what to do in case of a nose bleed. Hold your fore finger and thumb against the bridge of your nose, and other crap you have to do to make yourself look demented. Look at them playing basketball. Running around. Shouting. Bouncing that.. . thing. Good thing I sat out.. .never played basketball in my whole life. Russia is _cold_. What kind of idiot goes out in negative thirty three degree weather and risks slipping on ice just to sink a head-sized rubber object into a nylon net? Waste of time, what I think.. .

So bored.

Look at the floor, look at the ceiling, look at the door. Look at the door, look at _them_, look at my blood. Look at the ceiling, look at the wall, look at my crotch. WHAT - eww. What the fuck? Damn Stacey influence! Must erase possible visual disorientation by looking at classroom schedule. Good old schedule.. .always there.. .

Math.

I have **MATH** next.

And just when I'm going delirious.** Ho hum.**


	3. Math

A/N: Witness the author's oh-so-humorous struggle to STOP putting dots with spaces in them.. . like what happened just did now. -.-'

**Second Period - Advanced Calculus**

* * *

"Room 108, Room 108 ..."

_Ha!_

And I found this class all by myself. Yeah, that's right. I'm a_ BIG_ boy now!

What?

Stop looking at me like that. I had a neglected childhood. _Pffft.. ._

Getting nauceous again... shouldn't have skipped breakfast and gotten hit with the ball _/Glares at Her/_. So this is how Boris feels every time he looks at a mirror …ughhh. Hmn. Interesting. No teacher here. Perfect. No one to feel sorry for me…Just lots and lots of empty seats. Empty seats that are getting filled by students at an alarming rate. Oh crap, gotta get to a chair before I vomit...

So many people.

I HATE crowded areas. Especially if the guy infront of you lets out an untimely flatulent bomb_ /Voltaire… tsk tsk./_ Where to sit, where to sit... _/Self-esteem level lowering.../ _They're mocking me. I just know it. Sitting with their friends, while **I have none**. It's always like this. ALWAYS. Yes, I have an issue with rejection_ /Is that why you distance myself/ _I hate myself for being this way. For being a Weakling like Him. "Oh, it's okay - this is just a_ phase_ you're going through." Interestingly enough, that _phase _lasted ten years. What is _wrong_ with me?_ /Here we go again.. ./_ Why am I like this way? I keep telling myself that I **do not care** what other people think. _/I've prayed to God .. ./_ But I know that I'm only telling myself lies. _/...Won't you spare me?_

Even in the old days, this phobia was always There. First dragged to the Abbey's recruitment center ..."Should I stand beside the big blond guy? He'll hide me pretty well." No, he'll probably accidentally _/heh/ _suffocate me to death. " Or how about short stuff over at the corner? No one looks at a shrimp." But he'll probably put my eye out with his nose... " I know! The pale boy. He seems nice enoug - oh never mind, he's carving a rat." And back then.. . I was actually **naive** enough to to **sit on Boris' lap**. _/That's right, Tala. Slap yourself. Make your inner demons go away. No one will accept you. Not even God. /_

"Hey, Tala! Sit with me!"

I could literally feel the hairs on my neck stand on end.

Suddenly my nauceousness returned. Getting lightheaded.. . want to kill myself. _/Well, lookie here../_ Finally, a empty seat away from the rambunctious bastards. Let's just hope _Stacey_ doesn't find me. Dammit, the goths are behind me. I can actually _feel _their eyes digging a hole into the back of my skull. What's that sound? Oh, they've got iPods. And it's on full blast. Typical. Ignore it, Tala.. . just _ignore it._ Close your eyes. Lay your head down on the table. They_ know_ you're afraid.

Just _ignore it._

_'O Vivica  
I wish you well  
I watch you burn  
In humid hell .. '_

Uh-huh.. . go on.. .

_'No crooked spine  
No torn up scar  
Will save you now ..'_

O.. .kay then.

Onto the next candidate. And just my luck.. . another group of emotionally deranged females. _/I should have stayed with the goths.. .might've fit in well there./_ Blondes. **Female **blondes. Why do I suddenly have shivers down my spine? Great.. . they've got mp3 players. Oh well. Couldn't _possibly_ be worse than what the goths listened to.. .

_'Let the rain fall down  
And wake my drea - '_

My god. Did I just die and go to Hell? Run away and never look back. Run away and never look back. Run away and nev - Crap, I looked back. Is that goth girl .. . offering me a cigarette? So she _sees it_ too, doesn't she? I belong with THEM? Maybe it's all ri -

"Watch where you're going, you idiot."

Bumped into yet another person. Now what… Is it the beer belly guy –

**Oh.**

**My.**

**Fricking.**

**Lord.**

**It's. **_**Kai.** _

"What are_ you_ doing here?"

That voice just sickens me to the stomach. Now I **know** I died and went to Hell. The guy's wearing cologne. Cheap, GERMAN cologne. What a Poser. It's all a ploy, isn't it? Boris did this to TORMENT ME. As if he actually gives a pretty damn about my education. Putting me in the same school as the one who could become the next Adolf just to hear me squirm in bewailment.. .

"Get away from me."

My _pleasure_.

You blue haired freak.

I'd better not see your face again. We all know **Who's the Best**. Yeah, and that's ME. Hey – **don't walk away from me**. I'm not done talking! Do NOT walk away from me! _/..it's like before../_ **I Will NOT be IGNORED!**

_/..like always, I'm alone again../_

"Settle down, class."

And here comes the teacher. Some elderly man with a receding hairline. Wearing plaid with brown slacks. What is this, the School of Boris Fashion? The Royal Academy of Visual Disorientation? Crap. I must look pretty _pathetic _wallowing around trying to find a seat. Something inside tells me to throw myself out the nearest window. I _could,_ if there weren't a flower bed just outside. I've always pictured myself **dying a painful, long death.** Alone. In a morbid setting. _Without_ flower beds. Maybe some melodic violin music in the background.

But that's just **Me**.

"Alright. Get out your pens and put everything under your desks. The Final Term 2 test will begin in three minutes."

**Choke, spit, choke, choke.**

Test? What _TEST_? I mean, I'm _NEW_. I'm not _supposed_ to take some test I didn't even study for. You _MUST_ understand that, right? Right? _/.. .I feel insecure, mommy. Will you make the Him go away/_

The seat I just sat in feels cold. Must be made out of Canadian metal. Heh. Canadians. .. haa.. .their lives are so happy. Happy happy fluffy bunny. I think I should probably stop talking to myself now. **It's not sane.** Nope. So Mr. Math Teacher here just placed the test infront of me. Holy … it's FIFTEEN PAGES. Shouldn't be a problem, right? Right?

"Hmm, you're new. I've got a proposition for you."

Proposition? You mean I don't have to take the test?

"I'm going to move you.. . new students have to be with the **best in the class**, you know, for a role model. I'm going to put you infront of Mr. Hiwatari here…now don't be shy...introduce yourself. I'm sure you'll be _Best Friends_ sooner or later."

**I could have slit my wrists.**

_This is only a dream. This is only a dream. A demented nightmare that can result in a possible brain tumour. But only a dream. Only a dream. Only a dream. Only a dr-_

"You heard him. I'm **the best in the class.**" And the conceited bastard smirked. An evil, malevolent smirk. Such ugly face paint. I cannot even begin to mask out my disgust. Good thing I'm sitting _infront_ of him. God knows I'll need _major_ eye surgery looking at his hair for two consecutive hours..

"You may begin."

Okay. This shouldn't be a problem. I'm an intelligent guy. _/Yes, you are, my lovely.. . you're also a very Pretty Boy/ _

Onto the first question.

--

1)

_If A and B2- is x in 4, what is the value of 4 : 2?_

_Full sentences required. Include variables and representations. _

--

.. . Okay.

Maybe it involves more brain. **Stupid Kai**. I can hear his pencil scraping on his test paper. Think he can outdo me, eh? Just you wait and see, I'll get _100 percent..._

Now to get busy.

--

1) Answer:

The words "let be defined by" tell you that the symbol _x _is not supposed to represent a normal mathematical operation but one that is made up for this question.

/_.. . I'm SO good.. ./_

To evaluate you would substitute _4_ for _a_ and _2_ for _b_ in the expression

_/.. . I am the Best .. . /_

And this gives which equals the answer may -

--

**"BWAARGGHH!"**

I literally jumped out of my seat .. . and must have lost _alot_ of admiration by screaming like a pregnant donkey on helium.

"Is there a _problem _back there?"

_Yes,_ I wanted to say. There _is_ a problem. And I _only_ say this because I think that it is just _not_ right when the person sitting behind you starts touching your neck in an overly-friendly way. God, Kai, what the Hell is_ wrong_ with you?

"Yes, there's a problem."

But before I could open my mouth, the King Of Cold Bastards pointed an accusing finger at my face.

"He tried to copy my answers."

**I wanted to kill him.**

Right **There.**

What a _LIE_.

A _DOWNRIGHT LIE_.

**I HATE LIES. I HATE LIARS.**

"Wh - " But before I could even object to that blatant fabrication, the stupid, ignorant son-of-a-bitch teacher _dragged_ me out of the seat _/..he has a softer grip than Boris.. what a sissy/_. I could feel them _STARING and MOCKING ME._

All because of a_ Lie_ from _The One I Hate The Most. _

"Go stand in the hallway. And I won't give you another chance to take the test."

_A son-of-a-bitch indeed._

"We don't tolerate cheaters here."

And _I _don't tolerate dumbasses.

How embarrassing. Standing outside the hallway. _/..this really isn't any different from the Abbey../_

The hallway smells of KFC potato salad. That was totally off topic. God, I want to **kill Him**. Decapitate him and mutate the rest of his body using a meat processing machette. Why didn't the other students_ /who saw/_ tell the teacher what **Really Happened**? Oh yeah. They were standing up for _Him_. **Kai,** their _god_. **Kai,** their _Devine Saviour_. **Kai,** the boy of their _Dreams._ If they love Him so much, why don't they just _marry _Him and save me the burden of looking at him all day long? Oh wait. The lockers. Some girl's locker. What does that say?

_"Mrs. Kai Hiwatari."_

**Idiots.**

Weak Emotions. _/..you're not Weak, little boy. Not Weak, like Him/_

Two girls passed me, glaring. _/Glares back/_ What, you haven't seen a red head before? Don't get out much, do you? Civilized conversations making you feel anxious? Huh? Is THAT it, you little biatch? Is that REAL enough for ya? _/...and she smiles/_ And giggles. Stop _GIGGLING_. Are you **making fun of me?** 'Cause I have ways of dealing with Lesser Beings like you. Giggling. To Your **Friend.**

What. Is. So. **Funny?**

"That guy's hot."

I watched them disappear down the hallway.

Bunch of _sluts._

TWO people. In _ONE_ day. _/.. .I'll go hang myself now, mommy../_

I wonder how _He_ handles it.

I'll get my revenge on Him. I'll _kill_ Him. That's what I'll do. And what the fuck was He _doing back there?_ I can truly say that there is _nothing_ in the world more revolting than feeling the fingers of _Kai_ on the back of your neck. Had He finally gone Insane? Seriously. Just trying to creep me out or.. .

_Gasp!_

Is he out to -

**- get me?**

Pfft, what am I saying? I mean, _everyone_ is out to get me. So how is _he_ any exception?

Maybe he's ..

**Holy Shiza**.

And before I knew it, darkness closed in around me.


	4. Another Shade of Grey

**Another shade of grey **

* * *

Don't you just hate it when people stare at you when you're sleeping, knocked unconscious, or dead? Well I hate it. It's a total invasion of my privacy. Seeing me at my most vulnerable _/God forbid/_ is like domestic abuse. I mean, they might decide to touch you _/Sir, what are you doing/ _or poke your cheeks and say 'putty' or do other disgusting things to you they don't normally do because you'd be awake to kick the crap out of them. Damn. But more importantly - what if I .. **drool?** And they happen to have a camera and sell the photo on eBay? Or worse.. auction it on Amazon CA under '_FEMALE_ child photos', which will attract pedophiles by the droves?

Oh **noes**!

That was exactly what went through my mind when I opened my eyes _/I'll see you in an another dream, mommy../_ and found _**Kai**_ staring into them.

"Wh- "

"Shut up. You're not supposed to talk."

I can smell his cologne all the way from here. My god. How conceited can this guy get? He's telling _me_ to shut up? No one does that to me! Bastard. **Ow.** Headache. What is this place? And_ what_ am I sitting on?

That better not be a bedpan…

"You suffered a concussion from a blow to the head. You fell asleep outside the door, and they kicked it open too hard from the inside. This is the school health room."

And suddenly he's_ psychic_. All _hail_ King Kai.

Feehh.. A _concussion_? How could _I_ get a concussion? I'm Tala. I am the best. I'm not a Weakling _/..haha, how you've grown, little boy./_ First a nosebleed and now this shit. Tell me, is this _"Hurt The New Kid"_ day? Ughh. Stop **looking **at me. Do. Not. Look. At. Me. Damn. Can't speak. Head hurts too much. Like daggers digging into my brain. Get me some Tylenol, Cold Bastard. Why is he here anyways? Shouldn't a nurse be attending me or something? And how _did _he get past the receptionist with _that _outfit? Ech, you could use a touch of Tala-chic, man..

"Here. This is for you."

My eyes, are you deceiving me?

**.. Holy-crap-on-a-stick.**

He's holding a ... _BOUQUET OF FLOWERS!_

Maybe it's the sedative talking, but somehow, I do **not **feel that **this is right.** First of all, the guy is supposed to _hate_ me. I 'm supposed to _hate_ him. He displayed some of his loathing by lying to the teacher and getting me kicked out of the classroom, also costing me a couple of brownie points with the goths. He also gave me great paranoia by sliding his dirty little fingers up my neck. So now I have a dilemma. He's here in the hospital now, going out of his way to visit me, missing lunch, and brings me a bouquet of_ /they smell nice/_ flowers. He's looking at me while I'm sleeping, like he's .. remorseful _/I hate that word../ _No, this isn't right. Not right at all. I'm very tempted to say what usually is on my mind, but that would have been highly repetitive.

"I'm sorry."

"What the fuck?"

Oh shit. Now he made me say it. Look at what you've done. Eff you Kai, now _I'm_ being repetitive. I hate it. No Balkov kid should be _repetitive_. That's violation of rule 33, verse 8! Good thing Boris isn't here.. but then again.. that'll probably be a better thing to encounter than to see Kai with a bouquet of flowers..

And he's still staring at me again. Stop it. God, you must be really enjoying this. But not for long.. _/..no, sir! Don't cut me!./ _Oh **darn it**. No **knife under the pillow**. So all those General Hospital episodes were for nothing! They were all fake! I have been betrayed by a soap opera! Arrghh! Okay. Stop. Now _that's_ the sedative kicking in. It's the sedative talking there. The real Tala would_ never_ say that! You gotta believe me! Right? ..Right?

"Look, I understand you're upset right now, but it's not my fault."

Are you _insane_, Kai? Huh? Now he's.. moving his hands .. UNDER THE SHEETS! You are SO lucky I'm mi–

"You're wearing the same socks as yesterday."

Oo

God.. why do you bestow me with the companionship of this miserable man who wears the blue Walmart cargo pants? Hiwatari, you depressed freak. First you're Cold Bastard, Psychic Extraordinaire, Doctor Kai, and now.. The Royal Sock Inspector of Tala Town. What is this world coming to? My gawd. Please. Just. Get. Away. From. Me.

Yay! He left. **Without the flowers**. Double yay. Now I've gone from insane-whiteout-sniffing-middle-aged-Frenchman-with-an-emotional-relapse to just mildly disturbed. Go me.

Yay.

Bored. Head still hurts.

Nothing to do now.. mehh. Turn t.v on, turn t.v off. Hm. Something interesting. Wha? Oh. Okay. Flip channel. Flip some more. Go back. Still nothing good. Look around the room. Two windows. Typical. Woah. Is that Stacey guy _/'My name is Robert, dammit!'/_ stalking me? Damn the doors with transparent windows! My eyes! He's licking his lips at me! Aaghh! You freaky German! Wish I had a pointy object to stick into my head! Even if I close my eyes, that horrible image is still so very vivid! Crap! Kai, get your ass back here! Hold more bouquets of flowers! Just so I can forget this moment –

"Hi. I'm Mindy. I'll be your nurse today."

What..? Oh. He's gone now. Thank you, Mindy! Thank you for **shoo**ing him away! I shall plant you with countless hugs and **kiss**es! Hmn. Or not. You don't deserve my tender kiss**es**. They are reserved for my **Only** One. No. What are you doing? Is that a bowl of cereal?

"Here. Eat something."

"No."

She looks astonished. Hey, I'm used to it..

"I don't want it."

"Why? You need your nutrition."

Like _THAT_'s going to win me over.

"But I'll get fat."

There. I said it. Now go away. Leave me to my sleep. Hmph. Stop looking at me. Stop STARING. Go call your boyfriend or something, alright? _Psshh.._

"..What?"

"I don't want to get fat."

She blinks. And tries to – spoon-feed me? No. I'm a Big Boy Now. I can spoon-feed myself. Just my luck, you dripped milk on me! Frig. You know what? I don't care anymore. I'm going to make a run for it. I simply cannot think under these conditions. Yes, the door's unlocked. High security, my ass! So many people. Lunch must be over. Buh-bye, Mindy. Don't shout at me. It's not going to accomplish anything.

'_Put on some pants!'_

What the hell are you talking about? I'm wearing pa–

**.. Crud. **

The cycle of ignorance just never ends, does it..


	5. Caged Tala

**Caged Tala**

* * *

"One count of indecent exposure."

Whatever.

"I'll be with you in two secs."

That sounded wrong, old man.

'_My reflection  
Dirty mirror_  
_There's no connection  
__To myself..'_

I hate office music.

'_I'm your lover  
__I'm your zero..'_

They remind me of sitting in the doctor's waiting room as a child_. /'No! He didn't do it! I put these cuts on my back all by myself, I swear!'/_

Good times, good times.

'_Emptiness is loneliness  
__And loneliness is cleanliness  
__And cleanliness is godliness  
__And God is empty ..  
.__. just like me'_

This is so embarrassing. It's five minutes already. Where the hell is the damn principal? Ach, people wearing black suits are coming in.. I cannot be seen like this. They'll wonder what kind of a school this is, a boy sitting half naked in a public place. Hurry up_, Mr. I'm-too-busy-flirting-with-my-desk-receptionest-to-even-care-about-a-certain-angsty-little-redhead-sitting-pitifully-at-the-back-all-alone-with-a-towel-around-his-waist-and-who-is-probably-just-dying-to-see-me-so-he-can-get-the-fuck-out-of-here! _

'She's the one for me  
_She's all I really need now  
__She's my One and ..  
__.. Only.'_

I hate being ignored. Hell, that's **even worse than hating me.** The clock says one thirty, and I want to die. Not an uncommon Tala trait, but this time.. it's more so. My nose and head hurts as if I was devouring one of Ian's infamous home-cooked burgers again. Uggh. More nose than head. Logically. Owies. I mean ow, OW! It MUST be the sedative, it MUST be! Farg. Hmm. Clock is slow. Tich tock. Tick tock. Haha, Gwen Stefani. Randomness. Phone ringing. No one to pick it up. So it's lonely, just like me? Left out of something, Ignored, Just Like Me? Hey, watch it! You almost stepped on my foot! _Man.._ the black suit people seems discontented. Leaving, already? Yes, leave, Jehovah's Witnesses! LEAVE! I can't face _/God/_ again.

Anyone but Him.

'_There was a time in my life  
__When I opened my eyes  
__And there you were..'_

Hurry up, hurry up..

_'There are some things  
That I guess I'll never know  
When you love someone  
You've got to learn to let them go..'_

Fuck off, fuck off..

What IS this mesmerizing magnetism I have with creepy, slutty sixteen-year-old whores? Eww. Don't smile at me using your fake raspberry scented lips as if sitting beside me won't cost you your life. And this girl is wearing some pretty potent perfume. Arrgh. Stings my nose, it does. Stupid Kai. I need to move, but I guess this school is just too tight-assed to provide a mere three chairs in their waiting room instead of a petty two. And no, I don't plan on standing. I've been through a lot today..

Don't you agree? Don't you? _/.. stupid.. weak../_

"Um, like, is there a reason why you're sitting there with a towel?"

_/Turns head to her direction./_

Why, yes, my badly-mascara-applied-_friend_! By jove, I do think there _is_ a reason! Your obvious idol, Cold Bastard, gave me flowers! And they.. smelled pleasant! Nothing is logical anymore! And the socks episode.. that kind of.. well, if anything, scarred me for life, you know? Wow, wow, WOW! How smart you are! So high in caliber! We need more people like you, since you know just _so much_ about what's best for mankind! I want to trade Boris for you, so may we be dwelling in your colossal intellect forever in the Happy Happy House which is Balkov Abbey! And by the way, Spencer's feet AREN'T enormous! YAYYYYY!

Eat shit, slut.

"No reason."

"Doesn't look like it."

And she gave me one of those dismissive eye rolls. _Biatch._

"Nothing has to look like something in order to prove the existence of something."

OOo.. _burn._

"..What?"

Oops, I forgot. Slutty sixteen year old whores can't understand basic logic _/much like Mariah on a Friday night../_ Just get lost and leave me to my misery. ..Please/_'I'm being nice, like you said, sir. Don't do it too hard.'/_

"At least I'm doing something. You're just sitting there looking like an idiot."

Oh. So applying makeup by means of beautification on an already clown-ized facequalifies for 'Doing Something' in today's society, huh? Sad, _sad _world..

"So I guess I'm an idiot, then."

Low self-esteem. Dammit, am I being told off by a _girl?_

"I'm sorry, but I don't like you very much."

YES! _PRAISE THE LORD!_ **Jump for joy!** A slut doesn't like me! Woohoo! Must shake.. groove thang! YEA! Woah, towel almost fell off. Okay, moment officially over. Hope I didn't make _that_ much of a scene.. _/I'm not crazy. I'm not psycho, really./_

"Are you like, on drugs or something?"

**Me?** On **Drugs? **Pfft, the ignorance is overwhelming. As observed before. Might as well play along and go with the flow.. since stupidity seems to be such an ubiquitous trend right now.

"Yes."

"So like, shouldn't you be in rehab?"

Hmn.

Your official I.Q has just been determined.

Questions, questions.. are you my therapist or an affiliate to CBC News by any chance? I can picture it now: Today's Top Story: Boy sits in school office with towel around waist! Will the suspense ever end?

"Rehab doesn't cure me. I'm way over the borderline. Cocaine flows in my blood, and marijuana is my oxygen. So Stay Away before I kill you."

Haha, the slut's scared.

Yup, shift away, little girl. I didn't even bother to correct her lack of proper recovery terms. But don't worry. I won't sink to their level.. just yet. PMS, the fastidious nature, and the need to look their best.. I just realized something: **I don't understand women. **Then again, what boy raised by Boris does? All of his antics over the years sort of.. destroyed all of my hormones. Oh well. Who needs them.

I still wonder if my **Best Friend** is still doing th - Ooo, I love this song!

'_When you were here before  
__Couldn't look you in the eye  
__Just like an angel..  
__Your skin makes me cry..'_

'_Float like a feather  
__In a beautiful world  
__I wish I was special  
__So very special..'_

'_I want you to notice  
__When I'm not around  
__You're so very special  
__I wish I was special..'_

Yeah, so Tala likes sappy songs. **Shut up.**

'_..I don't belong here.'_

No! It's over! Been so long since I've heard it! Hunn? Yes, the principal is finally coming this way! Crap, he's going into the adjacent room! That ruined the moment, you bastard! And look who just walked in from the front door.. errrgh.. . baggy pants, oversized shirts, DC shoes, and all..

"'Sup, Em. What are you doing sitting beside this _loser?"_

It's the beer belly guy and his posse of perverted jackasses. How I wish I was anywhere but here..

"I got in trouble for picking the lockers."

"You idiot! I told you not to go at the lunchroom breaks!"

Why am I always in the middle of these types of things?

"Hey, Carrothead."

Damn, he saw me.

" What'cha doing with that towel there? Wet your pants?"

You wish.

"Want mommy to fix it up for ya?"

Again with the Mother scenario. I would've taken a swing at the guy's smirking face if my hands weren't already occupied in the art of towel-clutching _/'Where. Did. You. Hide. My. Pants. Mindy./_

"No, thank you."

Still not leaving. Crap, **if only Bryan was here**_ /'Sorry, Tal! I'm going to the Dance Dance Revolution Finals in Japan tomorrow!'/_

"You're so pretty. No wonder the girls are after you."

**Say what?**

"I can't stand sissies."

It's the school office. And yet they appear not to care. Dammit, where have all the adults gone? Don't tell me it's Sears Blowout Time already..

"Yeah, this one's got a bad attitude. What do you say we get rid of that, eh, Ryan?"

They're moving in. Shadows all around me. Me and my towelly-clad self. God, can you erase me now? _/'Who cares how pathetic you look? It's a hellhole out there!'/ _

"I'm going to cut your pwetty little face. What do you have to say to that?"

What, indeed..

"THIS IS RACISM!"

That made them pause. Grab the flower vase near the floor. That's right, Tala. _/'You're psychotic.'/_ Now, picture it in your head. Smash it towards the first guy's face. Yes. Haha. Blood everywhere. This isn't Wrong_. /'Don't talk to him. He has mental problems.'/_

**Something that was already done to me can't be Wrong.** I Felt It, so why shouldn't they as well? Being hurt isn't Wrong. Everyone has the right to hurt.

**Only some received that right before others. **

"Shut up! I'll fix you good, Carrothead, you can be sure of that!"

_/'I'll love you forever, little boy, you can be sure of that.'/_

-What?

**LIAR. I'LL KILL YOU, LIAR. I HATE YOU. GO TO HELL.GO BACK TO HELL! **

_- please?_

**Smash. **

Is that blood? Got on my towel, didn't it? And it looks so good on me, too. After all, didn't She say**, red is my colour?** _/'Wash your hands. This'll be our little secret.'/ _Huh? Coming near me? Want some more? _/'We don't tolerate maverick people here, boy. You answer to me, no matter what. You don't want to go against me.'/_

Yes. Get on your knees, dog. I said, Get. On. Your. Knees.

"What the fuck did you do? Holy shit! You psycho!"

**Crack. **

The girl's crying.Disgusting. I'm not a psycho. I was NEVER a psycho.

"Y-you tired to kill him! Help! Somebody!"

**Thud. **

Oh, here comes the principal. Too bad you ignored me. Bastard. Now look at what You've done. Yes, You. You made Me do this. It's not my fault. My arms.. just kind of moved, you know? So stiff they are. Yeah, so what if there's blood stains on my shirt? That doesn't justify anything. Oh, **NOW** you pick up the phone. Don't you know phones have feelings too? They are just like You And Me. They don't like the rain, and they don't like being Ignored. Well, maybe you're not like me. Why? Simply because I'm better than you.

"911, operator.."

You cannot deny it. I'm better by default. You want to know why? I'm from Russia. Yes, Moscow, in fact. Balkov Abbey. Don't fight it. Just accept how I can smash your face into the dirt. Haha. Like when it was Done To Me. So it shouldn't be Wrong, right? I'm not a Sinner. Really. God will still accept me, won't He? _/'You've already lost the will to live. You can't turn back now.'/_

I. Am. Not. A. Psycho. No Balkov kid is. The reports were Wrong! My mental state is normal! You're ALL wrong!

**_You_ believe me still**, right?

**..Right?**

_/If only my life was just a bad dream.._

_..I'd like to wake up now, mommy./_


End file.
